Reasons to enjoy being a guy

Nearly* 100 Reasons It's Great to be a Guy
(*Edited by Brent Jones to remove most** of the offensive sexually explicit stuff; not saying there is no sexist stuff, just that it is mostly humorous; there must be thousands of reasons it’s great to be a gal [oops, I mean lady or woman].)
{**Meaning almost all stuff offensive to women and sensitive men.}

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on
every shot of someone crying.
12. Your rear end is never a factor in a job interview.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
37. If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a darn if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You and your buddy can watch a game in silence for hours without thinking even
once: "Gee.... He must be mad at me."
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work.... more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. ESPN's sports center.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties are way more fun than bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your
friends you've changed.
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become
lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90. The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer
and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
100. There is always a game on somewhere.

Please email me more so I can fill in the missing lines: humor@brentjones.org

A shout out to my wonderful sister, Christina

Hi, little sis!

Gun control makes sense -- Part 2

I am not against the ownership of hunting guns. And I don’t think that people who currently own guns legally should be forced to turn them in. But the making of hand guns should be drastically cut back. Eventually only police and security people should be able to have hand guns. All guns turned in or captured from criminals or from people who do not have proper licenses should be destroyed as soon as ballistics test are done. They should not be resold or even used by police.

Make stiffer penalties for illegal ownership. Just because guns are ubiquitous now does not mean this can’t be changed. If hand guns and automatic assault rifles are cut down drastically that would be great. Also make the purchase of ammo more difficult. It should be just as hard to get as industrial explosives. Hunters, cops and etc. can plan ahead.

And those who legally own guns now should be willing to show to some local law enforcement officer that they have trigger guards, have secure safes, and have taken adequate courses in safe ownership. Education is very key.

The situation now is nearly anyone can easily purchase hand guns and bullets without background checks in almost all parts of the country. Gun manufacturers and sellers must be made more responsible for weapons. We can do some things that will help drastically cut gun violence.

Gun control makes sense

I'm completely against the idea of guns in schools and handguns in homes

Countries that do not have so many hand guns and automatic weapons have less violence. It is fairly difficult to seriously hurt someone without a gun. People with a gun can get angry and easily kill a person—usually a family member. When I was 19 my mom was angry and had a small handgun. She said she was going to kill my step father and then kill herself. Fortunately, I was able to snatch it away from her. I got rid of it. If you do not have experience with someone in the derangement of anger who has a gun, then you should be very guarded in promoting gun ownership.

Every death of a child by a gun is one too many. The right to bear arms is for community and national security in a militia and for hunting. Our country will probably never stop selling guns of all sorts and it is a curse.